The Defining Moment of Your Life

Welcome to Awesomeville

Population: YOU

Found on blogs.disney.com

I’ve been MIA from my blog for a little while, for a few reasons:

  • I’ve been launching a website for ‘How to Come Alive‘ (see last post)
  • I’ve been hitting it hard in terms of exercise, eating right, cleaning, and novel writing (more on that soon)
  • I wasn’t sure what to write

WHaaa-aat?  Yes, I felt clearly this spring that I and my posts were changing.  It was time for the dawn of a new era.  I first thought I should just power through, and do what had worked before, what I had enjoyed immensely since launching this site three years ago.

But instead, I took a step back.  Till I was ready, renewed, excited — till now.

Found on etsy.com

Because part of the slow-up was that I too — in my life — had hit a wall and now had to change.

My ‘perfect year’, which started on ‘Black Friday’ 2014, now has moved into Phase Two — starting May 1st, I have gone paleo for six months, am exercising a bunch, have plans to clean the whole house and give away a ton of stuff, and am moving forward with my writing.

And I have been following the idea of ‘What if THIS is the defining moment of my life?’  Up or down, yes or no — the life I’ve dreamed of or a sad mirrored distortion of my hopes and plans.

Found on andersonandgrant.com

I’ve also been on a success streak this year —

  • My sister Sarah and I got our first tattoos
  • We finished the state park ‘climbers club’
  • We started cleaning the whole house
  • I trained Sarah so she could join me on the Twilight Gambler Fun Ride (a 34 mile cycle ride) for the first time and she finished with no problem.

So these small successes propelled me forward.  I asked myself — what’s next that I want to accomplish?  The answer was: I want to reach my ideal shape/weight/strength.  Oh, I’ve been improving, but like a lot of us, I’d have ‘big plans’ that didn’t quite happen in the eating right department.  So I decided that I’d use the successes of this year to build a ‘perfect shape’ plan.

And it’s working.

It.

Is.

Fucking.

Working.

It’s also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done — but that doesn’t bother me one bit because I look great, feel great, and can’t wait to see where the next day finds me.

Found on fitbie.com

Now, you may want the details — but you may already know them.  You may have heard them your whole life.

That’s right: exercise and eating right.

I know I’ve heard them my whole life.

So what’s different?  Focus.  Like I said, absolutely-defining-moment-of-my-life.  I’m not trying to make this work in addition to everything else, this is the whole fucking show.  My main goal right now is Perfect Shape.  Everything else is a hobby, an interest.  Every day I want to be better at the end of the day than the day before.  And this goal is super-important because, aside from health and happiness, it will prove my ready-aim-fire planning success at one of the biggest goals I’ve ever taken on, a goal a lot of people never reach.  And when I reach that goal . . .

Found on othertees.com

I’ll be ready for THE defining goal of my life, my reason for being.  Starting after my birthday in November, my #1, most important, all-consuming goal will be PROFESSIONAL WRITER.

I wouldn’t bet against me.  And a big part of what makes writing this blog fun is making YOU impossible to bet against also.

So go visit the website version of my book, How to Come Alive.

Get ready for an exciting NEW level of awesome in your life.

And in my next post I’ll dig into the hows and whats-its of my new perfect shape success.

Just know this — my focus has made my current life more exciting than ever before, and I’ll do everything in my power to help you make this the defining moment of your life too.

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Back — and Better Than Ever

Hi there.  Remember me?  Sorry for the long absence since my last post, but I hope once you hear what I’ve been up to,  you’ll approve.

Found on graphicdesignjunction.com

First  of all, I want to say thank you to each and every person who follows this blog.  When I started writing here, I was imaging you all — you wonderful, creative, and inspiring individuals who I’m honored to write to — but I had no idea how fast this would come together or what fun I would have.
And I feel like this is a big moment of change for a lot of us.  My life is changing more than it ever has and in wonderful ways (more on that in my next post), and I feel like our journey together is also beginning an exciting new phase . . . if you’re willing to continue adventuring with me that is, and I hope you are.  It’s going to be very exciting.

One reason I’ve been MIA recently is that I made you a present.  Oh, I know, I shouldn’t have.  But you guys are too awesome and I just want to share everything helpful I can with you.
So, without further ado, I present my 2013 self improvement book, How to Come Alive: A Guidebook to Living Your Dreams — now available as a FREE WEBSITE with fun links and awesome quote/pictures.
Cover by Sarah Cerulean madnessofart@gmail.com

Cover by Sarah Cerulean
madnessofart@gmail.com

My book will still be available on Amazon as a paperback or an ebook (and it’s a charmer), but I want everyone to be able to dig in, see how they like it, and share it without the awkwardness that comes from trying to turn a work of love into a dollar sign — and I do love you all and want to see you succeed beyond even your wildest dreams.  And if my book can help you in even a tiny way, then it will have succeeded in its purpose.
In a nutshell, How to Come Alive is the twenty-five ideas that have helped me most in living the life of my dreams.  Even though I have big goals I’m working on right now, I’m already tremendously happy in my life and it’s not just luck — it’s moving continuously toward those very things that make me feel most alive.
A word about consumerism: I love buying things from people and companies that I love and that do great work, and I do think it’s a shame if we start to believe that everything should be free.  That said, I hate the fearful, mercenary attitude that I see in some creative self promoters.  They are afraid they can’t make a living at this, so they get ‘tough-minded’, and you feel as if they are asking to turn out your pockets to pay for their coffee habit.  Nobody wins.

Found on laurenconrad.com

For myself, I reject the status quo.  I’ve worked hard on my craft for 16 years.  I love writing.  And you know what?  I’m going to be just fine.  In fact, I’m going to be awesome.  This is what I was put on Earth to do, and one day you’ll say you knew me when — and none of that awesome success is dependent on me tweeting ‘AVAIL ON AMAZON 99CENTS NOW!’, asking a few hundred nice strangers to buy my book, or trying to guilt people into helping me mainline caffeine.
What I want, much more than money, more even than to make this calling my vocation — what I want most is to share the magic, joy, beauty, and perfection of life with you.  This world is amazing, you are amazing, I am amazing.  So if you get a chance, visit my ‘Come Alive‘ site, look for something that moves you, and start living the life of your dreams.  Cause if I can do it, flippin’ believe you can do it.
I will ask one thing — if you enjoy what I do and know of someone else who might enjoy it, share it.  And I promise to keep sharing on this website the awesome, magical things I find that inspire me, and together, we’ll keep moving forward toward a future so bright it burns our eyes.
c294d8327373a5d576927c9c2be18fb1
Thanks again for making the first two years so enjoyable.  I look forward to many more.
Now go enjoy your present — inspirationlivingdreams.wordpress.com.

Follow Your Excitement

from Oprah.com

When you decide to change your life, improve your world, or reclaim your dreams you will come to a time when you get really excited about something you consider ‘silly’ or ‘trivial’ — and in that moment, you have discovered magic.

Think about it — how often do you get excited in the day-to-day?  Not pleased, not happy — little kid excited.  Won a trip excited.  Finished the race excited.  And more importantly, what do you do with that information?

Found on rachelgadiel.com

Hopefully, you are already feeling happy pretty often, and doing fulfilling things sometimes.  But excitement — telling strangers, breathless squealing excitement — true, rousing joy, how often does that happen?

But don’t tell me it doesn’t happen.  You may just have ignored your passions for so long that they can only whisper to you.  More likely, you think the things you love are silly, pointless, or a waste of time.

For myself, television writing is like that right now.  I love, love LOVE watching great shows, and the bit of teleplay writing I’ve done has been very scary and exciting.  But I love novel writing too (and blogging!) and maybe do see prose writing as more serious or legit.  And teleplay writing scares me, it scares me to death.  I wrote half of a pilot, reread it, and it terrified me — because it was good.

Fear doesn’t necessarily accompany this excitement, but the voice of ‘reason’ often does.  What moves you is probably something there’s not enough of in the world, at least in your mind, but if you start telling a friend how you spent eight solid hours decorating one cupcake, you may get a lot of push back.  Or a look of incredulity.

That’s okay.  What you love isn’t for everyone, but if you love it passionately enough, you will transcend ridicule and find admiration.  Maybe not from everyone, but if you’re madly into something, there has never been been a better time to find and connect to all the people worldwide that share your passion.

from Examiner.com

Because, while you don’t have to transmute your excitement to anyone else, many passions (and most of our great art, writing, invention, etc) plus lots of great careers, begin with a desire to share, to inspire (the root word of enthusiasm).  So when something excites you more than other people, know that means that you would be willing to work longer, keep perfecting, and dream about this thing more than the average person.  And as you know, there’s no traffic jams on the extra mile — there’s only people doing what excites them every day and living out their dreams.

So don’t worry about if your passion could be your paycheck — if it contains any kind of true magic and genius at all, it will probably look like the opposite for quite a long time.

That’s all right, because when you follow the things you love, you’ll be grinning like an idiot and having the time of your life.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a teleplay to write.

Found on sendcere.com

5 Ways to Love Yourself and Reveal Your Awesome

WARNING: A little extra language in the pictures of this post — because I was feeling passionate!

In life there are two pulls — the urge to become more and the necessity of loving yourself as is.  I don’t believe these forces are incompatible but we too often tell our story as ‘I’m broken and I must fix myself.’

But we’re not broken.  We are spiritual beings having a physical experience and our bodies can shatter, we can grow tired, we may even get lost.  And we can definitely make mistakes.  But we can’t break.  And at our soul level there is something so fundamentally strong and beautiful and full of glorious purpose that it burns brightly our whole lives and we cannot lessen its glow one iota — we can only hide it from the world and even ourselves.

We lose sight of the things that make us beautiful and make us dream.  We sell our days for power and money, and give away the peace of night in exchange for fears and insecurity.

Found on wisdom-square.com

There was no grand scheme, no master plan to build a society that told us, from birth to death, that we are not good enough.  Companies just sold things, and advertisers discovered that praying on our fears, playing to our vanities, and distorting our dreams sold a lot of soda.  And cars.  And weight loss devices.

An unintentional side effect of this effective advertising is, on a massive level, unconscious self-loathing (oops!).  And before you think I overstate my case, I’ll ask ‘Are you happy with the shape of your body?’  ‘How often do you wish you had more money?’  ‘Do you think other people have more fun, more vibrant social lives than you?’  Or as my sister put it, she grew up thinking you couldn’t be the hero of the story unless you were ‘the pretty one’.

And having to grow up at school, trapped in a building with a bunch of other confused kids doesn’t help.  So we emerge, blinking, into the strong sunlight of adulthood and look around, lost.  And yet we often still try, still push toward our dreams and our heart’s desires.

But the road is long, and we stumble, then retreat.  And somewhere along the way we can grow cold, or even cruel.  We gain weight and believe ourselves maybe just the ‘sassy friend’ instead of the luminous heroine.  I’ve had pretty good self esteem for a few years now (starting my groups People Who Have Come Alive & the Athens Writers Association was a big turning point for me), but even I was thrown backwards, back to TV show expectations of my youth recently when I fell for someone and wondered ‘Could I even be seen as attractive to him?’ And I’ve worked on this stuff for years!  But billions of dollars have been spent in the same time span to tell me I lack something, or many things.

So cover our glow in armor, in hardheartedness, in shrouds.  We develop traits we don’t like, and these become the weak places where we also build up our strongest defenses.  And somewhere along the way, we believe a myth we have helped write, the story of why we don’t deserve success — in business, in love, or in life.

Before I started my groups, my self publishing, or even a lot of my self improvement, I too had a myth.  I was a ‘nice’ girl who was too shy for groups, too boring to have friends, and too ugly (read fat) to have a boyfriend.  It hurts and bewilders me now to write these words, because I never expressed them to anyone back then, but none the less, it was a story — a reason — that I used to explain my life.  The truth was I was quiet and introspective, and curvy (and still am).

So what changed my outlook?  I think I just realized that I had felt and wrestled with these feelings, these ‘lacks’, most of my adult life, so it followed that I could be having exactly the same conversations with myself in 10, or 20, or 30 years.  I didn’t want that and so I decided to take action — bringing the people I wanted to know together, speaking even when my voice shook, and building a body I could love — with or without a man to enjoy it with.

So how do you let go of these brainwashed ideals and layers of armor?  How do you honor how awesome you are and know how far you can go?

5 Ways to Love Yourself and Reveal Your Awesome

  1. Start questioning your authorities.  When you think, ‘I need to lose weight’ — STOP.   Ask yourself where this desire is coming from — love or fear?  Do you love dancing around, and feeling great with tons of energy?  Or do you read magazines and watch shows that take 1% of the human population and then Photoshop and light them to look like 0% naturally do?  If you think you need more success (and money) ask yourself why.  Will that really make something inside you different and happier or have you just been told the validation of life is cha-ching! cash?  After you start questioning your sources, consider cutting the toxic ones out of your life while looking at things from a new perspective (read blogs about people beating anorexia or helping children in disadvantaged countries, watch foreign films, find quotes and people that build you up, read bios of great historical figures).  And when a person you know offers their opinion, always ask yourself, ‘Are they someone I want to emulate, to aspire to be?’
  2. Make time for what makes you awesome.  So often we only work on our weaknesses.  In the book Now, Discover Your Strengths, the authors talk about how you want to shore up your weaknesses, but only enough that they don’t slow you down (they use an example of Tiger Woods improving his short game so it would not detract from his amazing long swings that got him to the green so quickly).  The takeaway was that you are never going to be amazing because of your weaknesses — it’s your unique strengths that will blow people away.  So take pride in the things that come easily to you, delve into the hobbies and sports that you excel at (I once told my sister that I felt like I was ‘made’ for cycling — and that is a powerful feeling, almost like you’re cheating).  In the same way, I didn’t really ‘fix’ my character flaws, I just walked away from them and focused on stuff I rock at — and I’ve never looked back.
  3.  Get healthy.  Seriously, throw out the scale (it’s a horrible measure of health), and forget about diets (these temporary things you hate) while embracing diet (a lifelong way of eating that makes you feel great).  So much self esteem and endorphins lie on the other side of exercise and eating right.  Also — weed, drinking, and excessive sugar can all be enjoyed, but they can also become a crutch that makes us feel powerless and reliant on their mood enhancements.  And I know smokers already feel beat up upon, but I really do feel like that addiction unfairly makes you feel powerless — a slave to nicotine — many times a day, so I hope, if you smoke, you find out how powerful you are and break that habit into a million pieces.
  4.  Become an inspiration to others.  Write a book.  Lead a cause.  Start a group.  Blog about fitness.  Mentor a child.  Follow your dream so hard that others stare in wonder.  When I started my groups, a strange thing happened: people started telling me how awesome I was, and how I was inspiring them.  I felt there must be some mistake, but no — I was just living my life but even what I considered small acts — hosting a meeting, sharing what I knew, encouraging people with a few words — others saw a value to that and spoke up about it.  This inspired me to do more — publish a book, give a public reading — because I realized that we all have fears and insecurities and the more ‘fake it till you make it’ I did, the more bold and brave they would become in their own lives.  Suddenly, being awesome wasn’t about just me.
  5. Speak to yourself with love.  Not get all psychological on you, but there’s only one person watching everything you do and commenting on how you do it.  It’s you.  And it was a real wake-up call the first time I read something like ‘If you wouldn’t speak to a small child like that, why would you speak to your inner child that way?’  It’s really hard to live an inspiring life if someone is degrading you all the time.  So, give yourself a break.  It’s been shown in studies that being ‘hard line’ or tough with yourself does not improve your willpower or results.  In fact, the opposite is true.  You are already doing great things — give yourself some love.

So start seeing yourself as beautiful.

Fall in love with who you are at your silliest and most sublime.

Forgive the actions and thoughts of your past and know they are not you.

Make choices that reveal your inner glory and magnificent joy.

Say “Screw you!” to any society that hasn’t gotten on board with your level of sexy, awesomeness, or lifestyle.

Heal your body and free your mind.

And lastly, when you feel imperfect, remember the words of Leonard Cohen — “There is crack in everything . . .

Attention: You’re Awesome and You’ve Got This

Recently my sister caught up on reading my last few blog posts and, with a moan, called them ‘challenging’.  She wasn’t against the content or the ideas — I think it just seemed like a lot to take in after a month of busyness and bad eating, and sitting here in our unheated house with intermittent water issues.

The journey can seem long and our goals mighty, but what I don’t probably talk enough about here is how freaking amazing, fantastic, gorgeous you are (all of you, not just my sister 😉 ).  You are improving, learning, and growing all the time — and you’re still pursuing your hopes and dreams with amazing tenacity.

So here’s ten fantastic, encouraging things you need to hear right now —

1. Change your life today —

Found on feedproxy.google.com

 

2. Trust the process —

Found on shinystarrlight.tumblr.com

 

3. Stop comparing yourself —

Found on carrieonblogs.com

 

4. This quote forever —

From my sister

 

5. You have no idea how amazing you can be —

By The Mincing Mockingbird

 

6.  Be passionate, Be present, Be you —

Found on youtube.com

 

7. Let’s sail beyond the horizon —

Found on girlmeetslife.com

 

8. You are more beautiful because of what you’ve survived

Found on beartales.me

 

9. The time has come to actually see the person in the mirror —

Found on theblondevegan.com

 

10. Take a deep breath (you’ve got this) —

Found on vi.sualize.us

 

And finally, say to yourself —

Found on pokememes.memebase.com

 

THE ‘WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW?’ LIST: HOW TO REEVALUATE YOUR LIFE — PART 2

This spring I wrote a post called How to Reevaluate Your Life.  It talked about asking the right questions when you know you want something different out of this brief, beautiful existence.  This is the next step, about answers.

Found on meetville.com

That quote scared me.  I have plans — but I always have plans.  And I’ve been talking about some of them for ten years or longer.  I don’t want to risk my life passing while I dreamed of a different existence I was too scared to even attempt.

 

Quotable Cards

Quotable Cards

Ah, fear.  Not fear-of-spiders fear (which is silly because spiders are awesome and eat things that bother you).  Instead, when your questions start to give you an idea of what you want, you’ll get afraid.  You may even get hostile.  You may look for people to blame, reasons it’s too late, or you may re-reevaluate your life and say ‘Hey, this isn’t so bad,’ (hint: If you find yourself saying this — Yes.  It.  Is.)

So, after you start to get an idea of what you like, and don’t like, about your current life — what the heck do you do now?  I’m glad you asked.

THE ‘WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW?’ LIST:

  1. Take a ‘Reevaluation Vacation’.  Back in May of 2014, I really felt stuck and wondered if I hated my long term job in retail.  Then I decided take an 8 day vacation (the length was based on hearing that it took 8 – 14 days for your body to really rest and recuperate away from work).  So I stayed home and did every day whatever sounded most enjoyable, not really ‘movie marathons’ but things like walks and yoga and writing (and making collages!).  The point wasn’t just to party but to give myself time away from the hustle-bustle (I tried not to leave the house except for park walks).  You might not be able to do as I did, but even a long weekend (or having someone watch your kids for a couple of days) can be very clarifying.  For me, I realized I didn’t hate my job I just needed to be doing more of the things I loved.
  2. Plan the Plan-y Plan.  All talk and no action will get you nowhere but… It’s an important first step.  Still, like the awesome Larry Winget says, you already know what you need to do.  You’ve probably known for years what you need to do.  So, now you’re going to do it.  That’s it.  That’s the plan.  It’s as simple as imagining your perfect life (not a vacation or the day you meet Oprah, just a regular day in your extraordinary life), then realizing what would need to happen to get there (healthier weight, advanced degree) and distill it down to something you can do every week and every day to reach that goal.  You don’t have to know every step, just the first step.
  3. Do it with love or not at all.  Presumably, you’re reevaluating your life because you’re tired of living a compromised existence, full of activities you hate and things you’d rather not be doing. SO STOP.  Really.  The life you are supposed to be living, the life you’ll excel at, is doing what you love.  All.  The.  Time.  Don’t believe me?  Just try to be deliriously happy and not change the world for the better.  Betcha can’t do it.  When you’re trying to figure out what your life should be like, follow what makes you smile, what makes you excited.  Now, in the long term, I’m not talking about pizza and Netflix.  I’m talking about the little kid inside you, and what gets them excited, makes them want to leap off the couch, plastic sword in hand, yelling “Yay!’ at the top of their lungs.  Because starting right now, you’re closing the door on the mediocre part of your life; you’re through compromising.
  4. Only spend time on goals that are of Soul-Level importance to you.   Really.  The big stuff.  Not the things you think you should be doing, or will impress other people.  Your goals should be change the world / change your life forever achievements.  This doesn’t mean you have to be selfless — I want to be in my perfect body for me (and to inspire others to live healthier lives).  Writing my novels is completely selfish (and could create works that others will enjoy as much as I do).  Even my goal of keeping the house cleaner is no small thing (sometimes we have squirrels) because I want to honor my sister and create a place worthy of both of our artistic dreams.  Any goal can have meaning, but its only chance of success is if it has deep meaning for you.
  5. Ask yourself if this is the defining moment of your life.  My sister and visionary, Sarah Cerulean, often talks about ‘The story of your life’.  If you were reading or watching a bio of how you achieved all your dreams and came to lead such an inspiring life, what steps would have brought you there?  Assuming the outcome is amazing-great-spectacular, when did things start getting exciting?  Could you trace it back to these days, this time when you said ‘I deserve more’ and starting working hard for it?  The truth is, the clock is running — if you’re ready, you can make your life as great as your fantasies, but if you back away now, you may just let some of those dreams slip away forever.  Scary but true.  And the vision I have for the rest of my life (and yours) is way too grand and exciting to turn away from now.  THIS IS YOUR MOMENT.  You have been training your whole life for this leap, for this proof of your awesomeness.  Keep going.  You’ll make it.
Created by me!

Created by Katherine Cerulean

 

 

The Things That Make You Scared Are the Things That Make You Dream

― Ellen Johnson

Quote by Ellen Johnson

Since Black Friday, I have been working hard every day to launch myself forward toward the life of my dreams.  Exercising, yoga, and especially doing a lot of writing (it is my passion and life’s purpose after all!).

What I didn’t plan on, was how freaking scary it was going to be.

Found on loveandlaceblog.com

Found on loveandlaceblog.com

It’s scary.  It’s scary not to know how you’ll look in a year or where you’ll end up living or what job you’ll be doing.  Or who you’ll be with.

As soon as I realized I was creating all this forward momentum, I realized I needed a destination.  Boy, then did it hit the fan.

First a little background.  Ever since our parents broke up and then my Mother died (about ten years ago) by sister and I have sought stability.  Just making things calm, and safe, and comfortable for ourselves and each other.  And we’ve been spectacularly successful.  Now though, it’s a time of change.  And when I started thinking about my future, I realized I wasn’t sure what I really wanted.

Was I still a novelist foremost?  What about my inspirational and self help writing?  What about my unceasing love of TV and intrigue with the idea of writing teleplays?

Did I want to travel most?  Settle down in an amazing new place?  Or stay in Athens, GA?

Was I ready for a big new step if I fall in love?  Or did I just want to run around the world for a while and have adventures?

Clearly, for all I’d dreamed about my life after retail and working as a full time writer, when faced with the idea of it actually coming to pass, I simply had no idea.

Found on glogster.com

Fear is a natural response to the unknown.  But, we are not living in the wild.  There are no bears and wolves around (for most of us).  Fear should not be a red stop light, a firm ‘No!  Go back, you fool!’  Instead, it just tells you that you are stepping onto unknown ground.  For me, in the weeks since this started, there have been five main types of fear (see if you too recognize these as you step off the well-worn path toward the life you were destined for) —

Five Fears That Prove You’re Doing Something Right

  1. Fear of Failure.  Right off the bat, I thought “What if I set this big goal, tell people about it, and can’t do it?  What if I belly flop?  And most importantly, how will I stay positive if I’m a failure?  This is probably the fear that stops 90% of cool, amazing, incredible things from being made and stops more discoveries of best friends, soul mates, and mentors than any other.  But the truth is, even big failures don’t really get much traction — my Athens Writers Association had a reading once where almost no one showed up.  It wasn’t fun at the time, but we learned something about how to do it better, and it doesn’t mean much when held up against all our successes.  The best advice for this kind of fear is ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway.’  The only way to do anything worthwhile is to realize the price of failure is small, no one’s getting eaten, and the rest of the world isn’t really going to pay your one act that much mind.  What they’re responding to is that you’re living a life of action.  I fail in tons of ways all the time (eating habits, not being as perfectly kind as I could be, trying to cheat by counting reading ‘The Hobbit’ as ‘writing time’) and yet many people tell me I inspire them.  People will forget the minute and remember that you did something they were afraid to even try.

    Found on onelifewords.tumblr.com

  2. Fear of Success.  Now this one may seem silly on the surface, but it’s actually quite reasonable: our whole lives are constructed around things we know how to do, and to handle.  Think about it — you do what works.  You know how to drive but not a stick-shift, so your car’s automatic.  You don’t have to like your job, but you probably could do it with your eyes closed.  Even bad situations, like being in debt, you’re probably comfortable with.  You only change things that fall outside your comfort zone.  House’s drafty?  That’s fine.  Roof fallen in?  You’re gonna call someone (my roof is fine BTW 😉 ).  So when the idea of wild, mad success comes around (and that’s the kind that falls into your lap when you start living the life of your dreams), of course it’s scary.  You don’t know how to do that.  How would having a great husband or wife fit into your routine, your relationships with other friends, your alone time?  Would you like working at your dream company?  Would you be good enough?  If it all was going great, would something horrible happen?   I recently was reading part of my new novel Society & Civility to finish up my writing time late one night.  But then I still had a bit of time left and so opened up my teleplay from the summer, called Family Lines and about a family of demon hunters.  I’d only written 20 pages (for an hour long pilot) and had quit, thinking it wasn’t going well and I sucked.  But I reread those 20 pages that night and — they scared the crap out of me.  They were good, very good (in my approximation).  So what does that mean for my future?  The best way to dispel this fear is with feelings of gratitude and excitement: you are in this wonderful, unique spot to change your life and make the world a better place (following your dreams always makes the world a better place).  And the truth is, you can be comfortable in loving relationships, working your dream job, and having a life of adventures, or you can be comfortable with just what you’re doing, right now, for the rest of your life.  Your choice.

    Found on whisper.sh

  3. Fear of Looking a Fool /Upsetting People / Inconveniencing People.  I’m not cheating by rolling all of these fears into one, I recently felt them all from a single act.  I wrote to someone who’s an inspiration to me, someone I’d actually like to be friends with — and then I felt really uncomfortable.  I wanted to let them know their work inspired me, but did I go too far, sound over the top?  Did I scare them by being weird (I’m on a journey to be more open and honest and that seems to be a little unfiltered and frightening — at least to me)?  And worst of all did I seem unhingled?  A hanger-on?  A stalker? (I’ve been a stocker for years in big box stores, but that’s spelled a little differently).  In truth though, I am none of those fears, simply someone inspired, and whether or not they respond, they probably don’t think anything bad about me.  This fear is about staying small, nondescript, and not making waves.  Your friends, your family, strangers you accost on the internet — they all have a way they’re most more comfortable with you being and that is just how you are now.  If you get fit, what does that say about their lives?  You move across the country for that dream job, where does that leave Movie Night?  You express your feelings (for any one in any way) and suddenly they have a new issue: how to respond to you (and their day was already full up).  The only thing I can say here is, treat others how you would want to be treated.  Having my friend get fit would be great; having them say ‘You’d look so much better 20 pounds lighter’ would not.  Having someone write that I inspired them would be a boon to me; having a ‘fan’ say we must write a novel together, share a house (and more) would get a quick trip to my banned email list.  So don’t worry, just be daring and send some good into the world.
  4. Fear of Hard Work.  Now, I’ll expound all day and all night on the importance of working hard, but even I have my limits.  And that is what I’m trying to change.  I’ve been hitting this exercise/yoga/writing goal for weeks and that’s going okay, but the thought of digging back into editing my two new novels scares me (and writing for TV, well, we don’t even talk about that…).  This is related to fear #1 but a little different.  It’s knowing you can do something, but being unsure if you want to put into it the Herculean effort required.  I’ll never forget how when I started editing my first novel, I was convinced I was doing something wrong; the editing was making the book much better but it was too hard.  Surely I’d missed a step, or didn’t know a trick?  Truth is, everything you love was created with an inordinate amount of elbow grease.  You want to create something people love and will cherish?  That’s reason enough to work past this fear.

    quotes.lifehack.org

  5. Fear of Leaving People Behind.  As I mentioned in fear #2, this could be moving across the country, but I’m thinking more in an emotional sense.  I like the people I work with at my ‘regular’ job.  I love my friends.  I worship my sister.  And if I change, what happens to them?  Will they like who I become?  Will our paths diverge?  I feel that this period of growth will unsettle a few relationships (just as a child can feel ‘growing pains’ as their legs lengthen), but I also feel strongly that the best thing I can ever do for them, the kindest act I can bestow, is to become as wonderful and amazing and perfect a me as I can be.  I didn’t start this.  My friends and mentors inspired me to greatness, and I hope to inspire others.  Think of yourself as leading the charge into a wonderful new adventure.  I’m reluctant when plans suddenly change and my day is altered by a friend’s suggestion, but I’m always happy (after a bit of grumbling) to leap on board and then I have an amazing day, usually one of the best of the year .  Give your friends the same time to adjust and a chance to join in the fun.

In the end, it all means that, when you get serious about living your dreams, the world gets big and exciting fast.  I’ve only been at this for a few weeks and already it’s getting crazy.  What will a few more months bring?

The most exciting thing, the thing I wish I could transmute to you, is how fast you can start to change your life and that each challenge and fear can be met and mastered.

I don’t have all the answers yet.  Heck, I don’t even know most of the questions.  But I am so scared and so excited.

Because I’m living a life that matters.  And I’m getting braver every day.

My Perfect Year

 

Instead of waiting a month for the traditional New Year’s Day goals and resolutions, I began my most ambitious plan ever on Black Friday.

Why Black Friday?  Because I work retail (and have for 11 years) and no day sums up the craziness, the exhaustion, and the crying that makes up working in a ‘big box’ store in quite the same way (I kept repeating to myself that line from the old David Allan Coe song ‘It was all…that I could do…to keep from crying/Sometimes it seems so useless to remain’).

So why am I telling you this?  Because it occurred to me that if this is the ‘Put up or shut up’ moment of my life (and it is) then part of my journey and the inspiration I provide should come from my unique experiences.  And because whenever you start seriously going after your dreams, I want you to know you are not alone.

Retail jobs have been with me for a long time — both as a boon and a bane — and for me, for ‘perfect year’ would be a trip from working Black Friday in retail to being thankful for living the life of my dream 365 days later while digging into an amazing Thanksgiving dinner.

Also, I’ve felt like 2014 is the beginning of big, exciting changes in my life, and it seemed wrong to wait until 2015 to get serious about living large.  Though, to be fair, 2014 has already served up a heap O’ change (not bad change, just big change).

So what is ‘my perfect year’?  365 days of yoga, exercise, dancing, keeping the house nice, and writing at least 15 hours a week.  And I know what you’re thinking — it’s impossible.  365 days of doing those things every single day — not gonna happen.  Something’s going to come up, or drag me down.

That’s right — it is impossible.

That’s why I have to do it.

Because I don’t know who I’ll be at the end of that year, but I do know I won’t be the same person I was at the beginning of it.  And I know if I can hang in there and change my life so fundamentally, then just maybe, I can inspire you to realize that you can do that too.

I’ve also been reading the very good new book Standout by Markus Buckingham where it describes my strength roles as Pioneer and Provider.  The slogan for those two coming together is “When I lead the charge, no one gets left behind.”  I want that to be so true.

And for a while I couldn’t even write this post, because I had no way of getting across how big and important and different this is to me.  I’ve made plans and had successes (and lessons 😉 ) before, but THIS is the moment.

So now it’s been three weeks.  Three weeks of long days, exhausting work schedules and GETTING IT DONE.  By the end of this month, I’ll have completed ‘Phase 1’ and have launched this brave new reality during, undeniably, the hardest part of the year for retail workers.  And as the new year approaches, I hope you get inspired too.

I feel great.  I told my sister that retail holidays pretty much suck either way, but at least right now, since I’m hitting my goals every day — I feel like I’m moving forward too.

There’s a lot of great quotes on my and my sister’s Think Bigger board, but this is the one that got me moving —

Found on meetville.com

Found on meetville.com

It’s time to start living the life of my dreams, one 365th at a time.

And in my next post, I’ll tell you why that’s scary as Hell.

Make a Break For the Light

Jim Kroft’s wonderful new song, Make a Break For the Light (watch it here!) came along at a perfect time because I’ve been thinking about how this is the time for big action, and fearless living.  And I hope you are feeling that same energy.

Green August #19 by rocketrictic on Flickr

Green August #19 by rocketrictic on Flickr

We have a world full of choice and, for a lot of us in OECD countries, more comfort, ease, and food than any other population in history.  We are living longer and can connect to the entire world through the internet.  The world is truly our oyster.

And yet.

In my highly unscientific sampling (mostly just overheard conversations of my retail coworkers) we don’t really know what to do with all this freedom.  In fact, we don’t feel free at all.  We think we are trapped — by lack of opportunity, by exhaustion, by a few broken dreams and bad choices.

Sound familiar?  Me too.

Found on a-thousand-words.tumblr.com

Found on a-thousand-words.tumblr.com

But come on — FUCK THAT.  You are beautiful, amazing, one-of-a-kind and gifted with amazing talents the rest of us need so desperately to have shared with us.  So what if we’re living in a crazy time where we kids have been left at home alone and gorged ourselves on cookies and ice cream, and watched 10 scary movies in a row and are now scared and sick and unsatisfied with our choices?  So what?  If we’re free to make mistakes, we also have the freedom to make our lives awesome.

I have a pretty big, exciting project developing (born of an insane, important realization) that I’ll talk about more later, but it’s going to be my first step in this brave new idea.  The idea that the world is too big and beautiful and full of possibility for any of us to lead unsatisfying lives for any reason — and the most bullshit reason of all is fear.  I don’t blame you for feeling afraid, but you should know —

Nike

Nike

Now I know a lot of people have amazing challenges — and I salute you for your struggles, your daily victories, your grace in defeat.  For some of you, your gift to the world may just be that shared your presence with us for another day.  I know not everyone can do every thing.  But everyone can do something — for themselves, for their loved ones, for even one other person on this beautiful little blue globe.  A musician in Germany uploads a magnificent song.  I share it with a beautiful friend in New York.  He responds back with amazing, kind words.

Every little action can change the world, even if that change is just that it makes someone’s day.

Thank you Jim Kroft.

Thank you Derek James Healey.

Now, let’s all go make the world a little more awesome today.

 

Your Lifetime Goals — What’s on Your List?

“I’m goin’, that’s all there is to it! I’m freaking goin’ . . .” (Scotland)

Two weeks ago I got inspired and made a Pinterest board of my 101 lifetime goals (I don’t care much for the term ‘bucket list’).  See my complete list here.  At first, I was going to keep my list a ‘secret’ board, so no one else could see it (I was afraid some of my writing goals might sound egotistical or shallow).  But then I thought, ‘Hey!  Maybe we don’t talk about the big things enough and if even one person is inspired, it’s worth a little teasing (No, I don’t have to marry Joseph Gordon-Levitt — he may be just a placeholder(!).

The interesting thing about this exercise (which I got out of Jack Canfield’s wonderful book The Success Principles) is that it makes you think about the rest of your life.  Really.  However old you are now, however long you think you’ll live, there is a finite amount of time left.  According to one Death Clock, I have 54 years left.  Now, that’s a long time — but it will pass fast.

And to me it’s not even about some sort of ‘seize the day/savor the moment’ creedos.  It’s about the kind of person who would be doing all the things on this list.  They would be fit, and ready for adventure.  They would make time (and save money) for the big things.  They would say ‘YES!’ to the unknown void of awesome.

You never know one of your lifetime goals is to take Peyote until you make the list

These goals also remind you to get going.  I’ve now made a list of 20 of those goals that can be achieved in the next couple of years.  Visiting every continent?  Might take a while.  But eating at Cinco y Diez (an upscale local restaurant), cycling 50 miles in a day, and going ziplining are quite doable (you’ll have to trust me about the cycling one 😉

So I encourage you to make your own list, board, collage or whatever inspires you.  Then pick a couple of goals and start taking the steps to complete them by the end of 2015 (or 2014 if you’re feeling feisty).  According to Pinterest co-founder Evan Sharp, “Our mission is twofold.  The first half is to help people discover the things that they love.  The second half is to enable people to go out and act on those things, to make them actually part of their life.” (Wired, Aug. 2014)

That’s what you want to do with your list: discover what you want to do with the rest of your life and then go do it.  

For myself?  I’ll be celebrating my birthday this year at Cinco y Diez and coming home to cross a life goal off the list.